Four years without Gina
November 2nd, 2018 was your Day of Transition, your D-Day.
One thinks it would get easier as time passes. That missing you would feel less, and that the emptiness would be filled by other things.
But it doesn’t work that way for me.
Life goes on, that is true.
But it is like I am on a long walk with a little stone in my shoe.
Sometimes that stone is in a place where I hardly feel it.
“Now I have been able to let go,” I think.
But then that fucking stone moves right to the most sensitive place of the sole of my foot, right where it hurts the most.
And by each step, the stone presses further and further in.
Refusing to move, even though I shake my foot hoping that the dammed stone will move.
The only thing time does is force me to live with that stone in my shoe.
This new walk is stopping me from forgetting how easily I could walk before you died.
I miss you so much Gina, my Sock Sister, my beloved ocean and beach goddess. I feel like it would have been so much
easier if you were still alive here on Earth.
I somehow know that your Spirit-Energy is where the eagles live, where you are just as sparking, warm, loving and as
present as you were in my life.
I go out into my forest and call your name and sometimes I can sense you, right behind me, holding your hand by the
back of my heart. Holding sacred space, and I can cry out the grief knowing that you are near in Spirit.
BUT I STILL MISS YOUR PHYSICAL PRESENCE!
With love
Tina in the North
